What is self-esteem? And how does it apply to my life as an Internet Businessperson?

Have you ever wondered if you have healthy self-esteem? Or do you know you don’t? Then read on for some useful tips!

According to Nathaniel Brandon in “How to Raise Your Self-Esteem,” (Bantom Books, 1987), having healthy self-esteem means feeling competent and worthy in ways appropriate to your life circumstances.

To grow in self-esteem means to be increasingly more confident that you belong, that you have skills to offer, and can be happy. You will then face life with more optimism and benevolence. “To grow in self-esteem is to expand our capacity for happiness.” (Brandon, ibid.)

If you’re in business at all, specifically, in business on the Internet, being successful to some degree is probably something you think about. If you have developed good self-esteem along the way, you have a sense of authenticity in your personality that others can feel – even through emails and phone conversations. If you don’t have a reasonable amount of self-esteem, or if you have too much, eventually people will see through you.

Here’s a perceptive statement from Dr. Brandon: One of the most significant characteristics of healthy self-esteem is that it is the state of one who is not at war either with himself or with others.

People who are genuinely aware of their skills and talents and know they use them well are not boastful, arrogant, or trying to have power over others. They just present who they know themselves to be. Normally people like to be around them because they’re grounded in reality. They don’t have to “sell” themselves: their work and their lives are persuasive enough to garner followers. They are successful in the ways that matter most to them.


If you would like to be one of those people, follow the steps outlined on the next page. They will lead you to greater effectiveness and success in all areas of life.


The Steps…

1) Learn what your current self-concept is.

Our self concept is who we know ourselves to be, for good or ill, and works much like a business plan. In the infancy of my business I developed a sense of what I wanted it to look like and how I wanted it to function: my business plan. In human infancy, we develop a sense of who we are and what we “look like” physically and emotionally. Many theorists believe we develop this self concept through the mirroring of others (what others think of us), so we’re ‘gifted’ with ideas that aren’t really a part of our “true selves.” Some of these ideas will be accurate and will enhance our self-concept, and some will damage it. Those that help become part of our healthy self-esteem.

Ask yourself these questions:
When do I like myself the most?
When do I like myself the least?
Do others see me the way I see myself?
The answers are clues to your self-concept.

Now please write your answer to this statement in the space below:

My self-concept is…..
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

2) Live in the Moment

Cultivating the ability to live in the moment is a big part of having healthy self-esteem. It’s a non-judgmental way to live with yourself and others.

When I live in the moment, I feel congruent, connected to the people and things I care about. I plan, but remain flexible even while taking my responsibilities seriously.

Practice this by gently pulling your mind back to the task at hand whenever you notice it has wandered. Take a few deep breaths, noticing their path in through your nose and down into your chest, filling your body with oxygen. At the same


time imagine your focus has returned to your task, and then notice that it has. You may have to practice, but it will soon become a good habit.

3) Accept Yourself

Dr. Brandon says self-acceptance is the pre-cursor to change. I agree, and put it this way: When you know and accept what you do, you have the opportunity to either keep or change it. Until then, change is not possible.

When I accept myself I allow myself to see the things I don’t like. I allow myself to stop the judgment and move right on to keeping or changing the behavior.

Leaning to accept yourself means only affirming the truth. If I’m afraid to go into an interview and say to myself, “It’ll go fine, there’s nothing to be afraid of,” it won’t work. My body is now at war (reality vs falsity), kicking out survival chemicals and I’ll probably bomb. If I say, “I accept the fact that I’m scared, I recognize the fear, but I’m not all fear” -- my body is not at war, and relaxes a bit.

In that bit of relaxation, I’m flooded with different chemicals, giving me different possibilities. I may say, “Yes, I’m afraid; I feel unprepared because I didn’t sleep well last night. But I really am prepared; it’s the fatigue I’m feeling. I can overcome it for this hour.” My system will help me do just that, and I’ll have a better and more authentic interview.


Self-Esteem and Internet Business

Being self-employed on the Internet is an exciting challenge to all that we know about ourselves. We have to take our understanding of how relationships work and apply it to a new form – cyberspace. We have to learn to read cues in the nuances of the language a person uses over time; in the quickness, or not, of their responses; only occasionally do we have the benefit of being offered a (non-conference type) phone call, wherein we might hear more of the real personality behind the written word.

We need to be resilient against the onslaught of information; the variety of good and bad influences available. We need to be prepared to handle isolation, loneliness, make decisions quickly, manage business finances accurately, and take care of Internet relationships, friends, family…and ourselves. To do all this, we must believe we deserve to be competent; deserve to succeed. And deserve to be happy. Use the steps outlined above to strengthen, gain, or keep your healthy sense of self-esteem!

Melissa Miller

For more about Internet business contact melissa@mc-miller.com
Melissa Miller is a clinical social worker with 12 years of experience helping others reach their goals. For several years Melissa has been interested in Internet business, and the psychology of people who choose to work on the Internet.

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